This morning, I open my social tab e-mail and found someone comment on this post. And it hit me, I've been leaving my blog for too long! It used to be my therapy, I choose to write to clear my mind (but I am lazy ass). So, I thought it would be great to come back here.
So, talking about the post. Relationship Goals. I'm in a relationship now! After 5 years of being single, yeah, I know, it is a longgg time. But I'm happy being single and enjoyed my me-time. And now, being in a relationship I am happy as well!
Read more: PERSONAL #02 : WHAT IS YOUR RELATIONSHIP GOALS?
Back then, I said my relationship goals is about the quality of the relationship itself, instead of showing off. It's about understanding, loving, caring, discussion, problems, are the things you need to learn from each other.
Do you know what hit me the most? It's easy to say when you're not in a relationship! Yeah I know, when you're into it, it takes a LOTTT of work, ladies and gentleman. You need to work on your insecurities, idealism, habits, priorities, and a LOTTT of understanding that you two has different personalities and to adjust each other every single day.
From texting phase, to hang out, start to attached, and relationship phase. Being in a commitment. It has different emotion (and personalities) involved. Oh, there's a lot to do. I'm not complaining, I just realized it took a lot of work. That being said, love is about working on each other. Real love is a hard work.
Read more: Why Real Love is Hard Work
It's hard for me too, maybe since I used to be alone. And with my friend we are not communicating every day, so it's very different with a romantic relationship. I said hard is because I still need a lot of adjustment. You must have some expectation on your next relationship, such as texting each other, being very romantic (surprises, flowers, eating out), or anything else. While your partner is not meeting your expectation - in that way. Of course personality play a different role.
Let's say I'm such a text person - so automatically you expect your partner will do that too. Share a lot of random texts or just checking on each other. But he's not. And being texting each other every single time (seconds, minutes, hours) is not equal with love. When I said this, I said to myself as well. :D So, understanding each other pattern is required. And yes, your text or call is my favorite notification.
Next, insecurities. This is very hard, I feel sorry on him every time it hits me. I thought my past relationship trauma is healed, but it come back again. The existence of third party (exes or other man/woman) is inevitable. Therefore, I need a lot of reassurance from him. So, if your partner has this too, you know what you should do. Reassure him/her a lot every time the insecurities hit. Do not angry on him/her insecurities, ever.
Priorities. Man and woman has different priorities. Woman more on the emotional side, getting attached, spending time together, building emotional connection. While man more focus on his responsibility working for the (future) family. Understanding each other priorities would help on the relationship and complete each other well.
Read more: A man’s priorities: Purpose first. Then his woman. Then the children.
So, back to the relationship goals, do I still have the same goals? YES. That's a lifetime process and works. You won't be in the same place, every day has their own problem for you two to solved. It remind me to Magic Relationship Ratio. You can tell I read a lot of relationship article.
Read more: The Psychology of the Magic Relationship Ratio
Ah, reading a lot of relationship article will help, but you need to know they write that after a long time of learning. You can't change your relationship in a short time.
Stop comparing your relationship with others. You have different style of relationship and you should work on each other. Every couple has different love language you need to embrace on each other too.
Read more: 5 Love Language
It's getting too long, for a woman who just start her relationship. But, I wrote this as my reminder too! I can learn a lot of myself while writing this post. :D So, my next post should be about our relationship? ;)
